Needing a do-over.

So it seems I'm useless at blogging. Not because I don't want to do it, but it has been more about finding the time and motivation to sit down and write. The last week though has given me a giant dose of perspective and, as a result, a new commitment to the blog where I will write at least once a month. So what was this perspective I've gained? Well, it started with what can best be described as a shambles of planning and time management which ended with a massive mis-understanding. The short version of the story is I'd double-booked myself and ended up not making my second engagement. Though not intentional, I managed to hurt the feelings of someone I do care about and now the relationship is icy. Actually, that's an understatement - defunct is probably more accurate and I'm not sure it can be fixed. It's been almost a week now since the incident, and every day I've sat there and thought about my actions and wondered why I didn't change one small detail. I'm an over-thinker and the regret I have is something I can't turn off. The worst part is I'm at fault, so I can't even shift the blame elsewhere. The fall-out made me sit down and take a good look at things. Turns out I'm a people-pleaser - both professionally and personally. At work I'll take on extra duties when I'm already swamped and for friends I'll change plans and commit to events when I'm already busy. Why? I like being the person other people rely on, even if it's to my own detriment. I guess we all want to be wanted and the 'first choice' amongst friends and colleagues. So what have I decided? To learn to say 'no'. Not always, and not to everything, but I need to get real. I can't be everything to everyone. There are times when I need to put myself first and realise that it's not a bad thing to do. People will understand and I'll be happier. So while I may not get my do-over, hopefully with my new approach I won't end up hurting any more feelings.